Roar of the Earth

A brilliant shaft of light pulses from my blade as I hold it up to the sun. Breaking into many smaller rays, they meet at a fine point when I angle the light to the southeast. I’ve found my next target.

Guiding light

Mounting Agro, we spur off with our newfound bearings. An utterly bleak landscape rushes past; its sheer desolation becomes overpowering as I realise we are the only living things from here to the horizon. Solitary though it may be, this world is not without beauty; a comforting solace overcomes me when taking in the majestic plains and canyons.

Parting ways

The sun disappears overhead as we approach a narrow gorge. Winding our way through the tight cliff faces, Agro and I reach some crumbling ruins, seperated from us by a body of water. With no way for him to cross, I dismount Agro and dive in. I can sense my horse waiting patiently for me at the riverbank as I make my way through the submerged gate and in to the heart of the ruins.

Being watched...

Coming up for air, I feel the lakebed shake. Rubble falls from the ancient ruins and the water around me is momentarily blackened by the shadow of the colossal beast above. Flying low, it soars just a few metres over my head, its massive wingspan fully extended and enormous tail skirting the surface. I duck back in to the water on a reflex as the beast flaps its massive wings, coming to a perch on a pillar in the center of the lake. It has noticed a disturbance in the water; its massive eyes are now trained on my distant, splashing form as I climb out of the lake on to a small row of moss-covered stepping stones. It does not know what to make of me – a tiny intruder dwarfed not only by its own size but the scale of its domain. Planting my feet firmly on the small stone, I show it what to make of me.

I mean you great harm

Gripping my bow, knocking an arrow and drawing back the string, I take aim at one of the behemoth’s great eyes and loose. For a few tranquil seconds I hear nothing but the lapping of the water at my feet and the soft whistle of my arrow sailing through the air. I close my eyes and savour the brief moment, only to be interrupted by the distant sound of my arrow piercing flesh. The monster reels from the impact and lets out a deafening cry of pain, shaking the pillar as it spreads its colossal wings and takes to the sky.

The beast knows my intent.

My bow still drawn, I train a second arrow on the creature as it circles the lake, carefully keeping out of range. Its massive shadow stretches across the water, eventually throwing me in to darkness as the beast eclipses the sun. Momentarily disoriented, I lose my aim and falter. Seeing this, the beast changes direction, suddenly going in to a dive and accelerating toward me. The sun no longer obscured, light returns to my world and I look up just in time to see the silhouetted colossus coming straight for me, metres above the water. With no time to think, I drop my bow and run off the moss-covered stone, jumping head-on in to the massive form.

Holding on

I feel the impact of the beast’s body on mine and blindly grab at anything that will hold. My stomach reels as I suddenly begin to move through the air at incredible speed, carried the momentum of the colossus. I begin to slip, then manage to grab what appears to be long fur on the creature’s wing. The lake drops out of sight as the beast gains altitude; I climb on to its back and plant my feet firmly on its hard, rigid body. Now keenly aware of my presence, the colossus flaps its enourmous wings and turns, rotating its body to throw me off. The level ground under my feet rolls away and I find myself flying through the air like a helpless ragdoll. The beast’s long body rushes past me as I begin to freefall, desperately flailing my arms for something to grip. Levelling off and regaining its balance, the colossus flaps its monstrous tail which collides with my airborne body. The impact nearly sends me flying in another direction, but I manage to get a hold of the tip of the creature’s tail and stop myself from plummeting to the murky waters below.

Pickup up speed

Hoisting myself up, I grip the creature’s fur and inch my way along its tail. The wind constantly assaults my tiny form; the rain now falls horizontally and the surrounding country is nothing more than a blur. The beast is moving so fast that it takes all my stamina to simply hold on. Reaching the weakest point of the tail, I summon the strength to draw my blade, raise it high above my head, then plunge it in to the creature’s flesh.

Damaging the beast

The colossus lets out a pained roar, and begins to twist and turn. Closing my eyes and holding on for dear life, I move with every flap of its tail and twist of its body. When it finally calms down, I turn my head and look along the creature’s body to its massive wings. The only way to put this monster down is to take away its flight. With that in mind, I continue inching my way along the massive spine. Picking up more speed, the wind and rain become even more intense, drowning my senses as I crawl forward. After what feels like an eternity, I reach the beast’s colossal wingspan. With nothing to grip between the body and the wing, I wait for the creature to stop twisting, then leap through the air.

Leap of faith

The beast’s wing rises to meet me as I tumble through the air, clumsily landing and missing my grip. I panic as the world begins to fall away, but manage to get a hold of the edge of the creature’s wingspan. My weight starts pulling the creature back towards the earth and it continues to twist and turn in an attempt to throw me off. Twisting upside down, I now hang from the massive wing with nothing between me and the lake below.

Gripping my sword, I summon every last ounce of strength for this final act. Raising the blade, I let out a pained cry as I thrust high over my head, tearing through cartilage and bone. The colossus curls its wing and roars in pain, yet I continue to hang on, bringing my weight to bear as the beast begins to tumble to the earth. As the world rushes up to meet me I feel my strength begin to fade; slowly my fingers uncurl and I fall to the water below.

The colossus falls

My body numb, the impact is painless. The sounds of rain and wind roaring past me fade as I sink deeper in to the calm, peaceful water. I close my eyes and savour the brief moment, only to be interrupted by the sound of the beast’s massive form crashing through the ruins and coming to rest in the water ahead of me.

Returning to the surface, I see the shadow of the colossus begin to fade. And on the far, distant bank of the river, Agro waits for me.

Queen Bitch of the Universe

Kate Shepard: you don't want to mess.

It’s tough being a girl. Your superiors don’t take you seriously and your crew won’t stop hitting on you. The armour never fits right and your squadmates keep asking if you know how to handle that weapon. You can’t even get from the Bridge to the Med Bay without the eye of every gunner and nav officer turning your way. I got sick of it; I’d had enough. It’s why I decided to become the biggest bitch the galaxy has ever seen.

It started on Eden Prime. Private Jenkins was in my away team; the bastard had just that morning been spreading rumours amongst the ship about me and my last shore leave. Barely a minute after landing he gets cut to ribbons by recon drones. That was convenient, thinks I, and in the ensuing firefight over his dead body I make sure to accidentally leave a few rounds in him to make sure he won’t be spreading anything ever again. Kaiden seems upset but I tell him to harden the fuck up keep moving. We leave Jenkins’ body; the Normandy should fly faster with less dead weight on board.

Pink Ranger begs me for help.

Just when I think my luck is taking a turn for the better some chick in what looks like a Pink Ranger outfit from a techno version of Power Rangers comes running up to us crying about how her whole unit is dead. I immediately dislike her; she’s weak, she’s whining and she’s wearing pink – a colour that really doesn’t work when trying to camouflage. I tell her to piss off but Kaiden objects, thinking she might be useful as she knows the area. Big deal; I have a giant overhead map with a big flashing icon of where I need to go – I don’t need this prissy little cheerleader slowing me down! But, if we’re going to get shot at again, chances are the bad guys will shoot at the thing that doesn’t blend in with the scenery first. In that regard, I cheerfully allow her to join us. We make it through the mission alive. Unfortunately, so does Pink Ranger.

Upon returning to the Citadel I get yelled at by some politicians, all the while fighting the urge to kick ‘em in the balls. On my way to find somewhere to get Pink Ranger distracted by a shiny object and Kaiden distracted by skimpy blue aliens – so I can down a stiff drink in peace – I come across a bird-faced Turian arguing with his superior. I immediately take a liking to this guy; he’s spent his life in a formalised military institution and is sick of taking shit from everyone. Reminds me of me. I ask Birdface if he wants to come along, and he jumps with joy at the prospect. A weird reaction, I thought, but what the hell. Maybe he’s downed a few on his shift already. That thought makes me like him even more.

Back on the citadel and Birdface and I have a deep and lengthy chat. Turns out he doesn’t like Pink Ranger either, even though his favourite colour is pink! I find him different from the other turians. He’s so sensitive, so compassionate, so…and then it hits me. I head down to the trader and pick out a set of custom-made, designer armour, as a sign of respect for also hating Pink Ranger. I then take it over to the Asari consort and have her dye it with brilliant hues of pink and fuchsia. Upon returning to the ship, I present Birdface with my gift. He squeals so loud that I think it shattered Pink Ranger’s visor. He even thinks the armour goes well with his facial tattoos. I figure the First Contact War would have been a lot easier if there were more turians like him.

Birdface watches my back in his sexy new threads.

Eager to break in his new plates, I take Birdface on my next mission to a skyway colony. It seems the colonists have all been infected by some kind of freaky plant thing, so I mow them all down and find the source of the problem. Turns out it is a freaky plant thing that also spits out asari clones. Birdface helps me kill the plant thing, breaking it’s mind altering spell over the asari. She thanks me, and I tell her to go and take refuge with the other colonists – conveniently leaving out the part about me slaughtering them. I give her a few days before she dies of dehydration.

Back on the Normandy I make ready to depart for the next mission. I have a chat to my pilot, Joker, about where he got his nickname from. He begins to tell me about how he has some hollow bone disease that makes it extremely difficult to walk without breaking his legs. I fail to see how that relates to his nickname, so I decide to give him a new one; Cripplefoot. I tell Cripplefoot to start the ship and get us undocked; he complies with a satisfying scowl. Heading down to the crew quarters I find Pink Ranger and tell her it would be nice if she kept Cripplefoot company throughout the flight, hoping that his disease is contagious.

Cripplefoot, angry about being crippled.

Arriving at our destination I gather the crew, dismayed at the sight of Pink Ranger still walking. Tasked with planting a nuclear device in a nearby facility, I figure there’s no way someone won’t die in the process, so I take her and Birdface along. The Salarians on site need one of my crew to head up their assault force; before he’s even done speaking I tell him to take Pink Ranger. The Salarian commander tries to tell me the odds of survival are grim, but I’m already out the door.

Sure enough, Pink Ranger gets pinned down as Cripplefoot flies in with the nuke. With no time to save both, I mute her comm channel and help Birdface setup the device and get back to the ship as we prepare to leave. A blinding flash, then a rush of heat as the explosion and shock waves expand below us, gradually fading from view as the Normandy passes through the first layer of clouds. Birdface breaks out the elasa and we down a glass of the intoxicating green liquid.

It’s tough being a girl. But it’s a lot easier when you’re the Queen Bitch of the Universe.

N!SF Interview

Had an interview with Clan Man.com regarding my Team Fortress 2 Clan and the state of online gaming in Australia. Here’s an excerpt:

How are things different for you, running a clan out of Australia?

We have a much smaller player base in Australia when compared to America, and as a result the community is quite tightly knit. You can join a public server and a majority of the time find a couple of familiar faces already in there.

I also find that Aussie gamers have a different attitude to online gaming when compared to Americans – I’ve played in American servers and Aussie gamers are far more laid-back when it comes to playing the game and working as a team. Occasionally someone will fire up over voice-chat but its nothing compared to the torrents of abuse thrown around in your average US pub server. Australians play casually and to have a bit of fun, and we have based our clan on this underlying principle. After all – it’s just a game.

We want nothing more than an enjoyable time regardless of whether we win or lose and I feel this is what online gaming should be about. We have seen a suprisingly large number of other competitive Australian clans disband because they either take the game too seriously or have an intense feud after losing a match. This is the last thing I want to happen to N!SF and so avoid pushing people to think about nothing but winning.

You can read the full text of the interview here.

Oriental Roleplaying

Why is it that Japanese RPG’s actively refuse to evolve?

As I said I love a good story and JRPG’s contain some of the better narratives in gaming land. But it seems every title from our friends overseas with a deep and involving plot, three dimensional characters and a gripping pace is also bound by some unwritten law to contain countless random battles, sluggish character and environmental interaction and a tendancy to force the player to grind in order to advance the plot.

Take the Final Fantasy series. The first title was really something new, and is arguably the father of the modern JRPG mechanic. That was more than twenty years ago, and its only recently, after twelve more games in the series, that they have decided to overhaul the archaic random battle mechanic. I can’t believe it’s taken this long to get rid of such an archaic and patronising clock-filler, and that there were those who actually cried out in despair when it was gone.

I truly do find random battles insulting. Every FF title claims to be an epic adventure with eighty hours plus of gameplay, when in reality half this time is spent looking at a whooshy transition effect and another quarter waiting for unskippable battle animations to play out. You’re taken to an entirely new screen to fight enemies you couldn’t see on the screen before, with other characters who apparently you’ve kept in your pocket up until now. It is a complete and utter disconnect that, when trying to enjoy your supposedly epic plot, I just cannot overlook. It takes me right out of the experience, frustrates me and makes me want to throw the silly controller every time the screen whooshes.

I’d like to think that I just don’t understand the random battle system, that I’m just confused and misjudging, but I cannot see how anyone could enjoy this. But apparently people do, otherwise the game wouldn’t sell. Or do these people, these FF devotees, simply push the random battles to the back of their mind and focus on progressing the story no matter what, since they wholeheartedly trust the experience will be worth it? When they reflect on the experience will they remember how the game stopped them in their tracks every ten seconds to press attack a few times, or will they gloss over the gameplay itself and remember nothing but the story and its increasingly effeminate characters?

Why is it that random battles are not only accepted in the East, but praised for their depth? When in the West, we would go out of our way to condemn this mechanic as soon as we caught wind of it? What does that say about the difference in cultures in relation to gaming? Or, are the two so incredibly sheltered from each other that neither is willing to give the other a chance? Why do RPG’s designed for western audiences, such as Blue Dragon and Lost Odyssey, still utilise this mechanic even though it is a proven failure amongst their target market?

As for grinding? If I have to grind in your game at all, you are failing at game design. Why does the East love to grind? When I say I can’t play your game because the boss is insanely powerful, and you answer with “Oh yeah, just grind a bit.”…there’s no excuse! Forgive me from running from a whole heap of random battles because I wanted to advance the plot. But here we are, going in circles.

I’m sorry Japan. I’d love to play your games, I really would. But when I read a novel, I don’t like it when someone walks up and shuts the book every ten seconds.

A few tidbits

Off to interview Team Bondi tomorrow; it should be an interesting experience. I’ve seen plenty of games studios but never actually been to one. I think it’s fantastic that I’m doing this in the first semester of a course, it’s a great opportunity and I’m actually quite excited. I’m very keen to ask about L.A. Noire as given my recent adventure gaming spree it’s sure to be a title I’ll love.

Programming ain’t that great though, I have a number of beefs with the way it’s run. For instance, is it necessary to drill a concept into us during a lecture, change it around a bit in the tutorial and finally, when the lab comes around, provide us with skeleton code that features completely different statements altogether? It really frustrates me how the tutors assume we can pick up on this, and I would be able to if Java wasn’t the first language I’ve never learned and it wasn’t so god damn picky about how you write it. It would also help if the course didn’t skip two chapters of the textbook, so that when you go to do the books exercises it’s utilising concepts you have never even heard of before. I am very, very slowly coming to understand the language and I really do wish to learn it, but the course makes everything more difficult than it really should be. I regret not doing Software Development for the HSC, knowledge of Basic here would not have gone astray.

I managed to pick up The Matrix: Path of Neo for $10 and Paradise for another $10 at Game yesterday. I had to do a double take when I saw the price sticker because I had just been to EB and they were still $50 there. Incredible value, even if Path of Neo is a terrible port and Paradise isn’t Sokal’s best effort. I’ve been a fan of his games for a while though and I’ve no doubt I’ll enjoy this at least as much as Syberia.

The touchscreen on my DS is still broken but I’ve managed to make-do without it. Geometry Wars: Galaxies keeps me nicely entertained on the bus to and from the city and the new Advance Wars is quite probably one of the best games on the system.

Why isn’t Smash Bros. out yet?

Ding Gratz!

I’m now 20. I’ve ad a pretty good day; delivered a stirring PowerPoint presentation for an IIS assignment in which I channeled Alan Shore to maximum effect – vigorous hand gestures and all. It went down very well.

Thanks to the PC’s in the IT faculty running Fedora my USB drive wouldn’t read properly, so I had to infiltrate the Design computer labs and find a Mac that was currently working just to finalise the damn presentation. This was made all the more difficult by the fact that my lab keypad access and login details have been revoked since leaving the Visual Communication course.

I’m now sitting here with my friend Mr. Carlsburg dreading tomorrow’s computer lab. I hate Unix in all its text based glory and now realise more than ever how GUI’s make my life so much easier.